NEAR DEATH

One moment I was talking to the Bolt driver, a little chuckle and then back to looking down at my phone. The next time I raised my head I was looking up the roof of an ambulance. "I must be dreaming, but then again if I am dreaming, I wouldn't know that I was dreaming". I tried looking outside and all I saw was broken glass on the street. Much like my life at that moment. The reality hit for a moment and everything else is but a foggy memory. My lip cut wide open, headache and excruciating pain in the legs. I was falling into a deep sleep again, a lady kept saying "Keep your eyes open ma'am" about three times and finally I was wide awake. I am not dead, I am alive. As if that was not enough, a call comes through "A man died in the accident you were involved in, be grateful that you're alive". What I perceived as just a small accident, suddenly became something too big for me to bear. No one prepared me for the trauma, anxiety and depression that would follow.

"Hey God, I don't know where I am. I cannot recognize myself, I feel so lost. Where are you?". That was my prayer daily. I've been angry with God before, and I thought I would never again reach that point, but there I was, refusing to talk to my father again. "How could you let me go through so much in such a short space of time. You don't love me. You've forsaken me. You don't see me and you don't hear me". The loud voices of depression's lies had started talking to me, louder and louder everyday. Slowly I drifted. I started thinking, I should have died. "Kill yourself now. Take the pills now. Go buy poison now, you cannot come out of this one".

I wonder how many people have been in this position of loneliness and complete despair before. You begin to wonder if God really cares? Does he love the way he says he does? Does he really stay like he promised? Why does he let bad things happen to us?

This reminds me of Eve in the garden of Eden when the serpent began to plant doubt in her. I mean God said: John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. So then who is really asking these question, is it me or the devil? And what are his intentions for me? John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

And then what are God's intentions for me? "...I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

So one thing remains for us now (Depressed, lonely, scared, afraid people). Do we believe the enemy or the Lord????

everyday.